Conflict can arise at any time. These tips may be useful when managing difficult situations.
Deal with one issue at a time – More than one issue may be involved in the conflict. If someone in the group starts to get off track or a problem from the past resurfaces, it should be dealt with to help move the group forward.
Keep emotions in check – If emotions dominate actions, taking a brief break from the conflict is helpful. Take five minutes to focus on the issue, not your emotions.
Avoid resolutions that are easy but not satisfactory – People need time to think about all possible scenarios and solutions to issues. Quick answers or accommodating only a few people’s ideas may not give everyone the same satisfaction that the decision was agreed upon by all.
Avoid becoming a threat to the other person – Avoid name calling and threatening behavior. Everyone involved in conflict situations should be able to preserve his or her pride and dignity.
Conflict resolution often has more than one right answer – Don’t insist on being right. By listening carefully and considering all options, conflict often can be resolved and an agreement or compromise reached.
Focus on interests, not positions – A position is something you have decided on. An interest is what caused you to decide on your position. The best way to focus on interests is to ask, “Why” or “Why not?”
Use humor when appropriate to help diffuse an uncomfortable situation – Laughter sometimes can relieve tension in situations of conflict. However, humor should not be used to insult or belittle anyone. Use a humorous story to set the tone or be prepared with a humorous example if the group culture allows.
Discuss the conflict openly. Communicate – Strategies for good communication include:
- Proper listening – Give your full attention to whomever is talking.
- Paraphrasing – Test your understanding of what the speaker said by stating it in your own way. “Let’s see if I understand what you are saying.” OR “I hear you say … . Is that correct?”
- “I” messages – Instead of using “you” messages, (“You never listen,” “You are so mean.”), an “I” message can be a much more positive way to express yourself (“I get frustrated when you don’t listen to me,” “I feel badly when you yell at me like that.”).
- Use neutral language – Try not to use words that provide judgment to others up front (should or shouldn’t, always or never, right or wrong, good or bad). Some of these words put others on the defensive and can intensify the conflict.
- Use “Yes, and … .” instead of “Yes, but …” – The word “but” can cause or increase conflict. It often conveys, “I heard what you said, but I think you are wrong. What I am about to say is going to be better than what you suggested.” The word “but” can sound like an excuse is being presented.
Conflict is unavoidable and plays a part in many groups. A better understanding of conflict, along with learning to manage conflict, can lead to a more productive team and satisfied team members who feel welcome to communicate openly, take risks and exchange ideas.
